This is M- A- N- D- Y!

2009-09-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

You gave me one good reason. To fight and never walk away.
So here I am, still holding on.

Sometimes I think that friendships are more important than relationships. Be it school friends, who are mostly my close friends, besties and homies, they're often the ones who make my day and colour my life. Especially Sarah, Jan, Sam, Tian Tian, Chew and Seng. I never regret going to attend school everyday just because of them. And of course with Jiong, who never fails to make me smile simply with just a message from her. And Hua, who's always so ever willing to put up with my horny conversations and rubbish. As 18 approaches, I feel a new beginning with an unspoken and indescribable fear. First it's my covenant that's ending. Secondly, a new environment with new people. I'm not so afraid with the new environment, what I'm more afraid is my covenant.

I'm afraid that I'll get too impatient and I'll get the wrong guy.
I'm afraid that my friends will get the priority, instead of him.
I'm afraid that I'm not able to commit wholeheartedly into the relationship.
I'm afraid that I will neglect my friends if he becomes the center of my focus.
I'm just afraid... but I'll get through. :)

2009-09-12T05:47:00.000-07:00

This is love. To give more than he deserves.

2009-09-08T03:22:00.000-07:00

Now I feel safer. I was so afraid to lose you, just that I didn't tell you.

2009-09-04T05:26:00.001-07:00

I've gotten back my prelims results today and it was totally unexpected...in a good way. I've improved from L1R4 40++ points to 36, L1R4 27. Thank God! I thought I'd done worse but by the amazing grace of God, I've gotten better results. Now I'm rather relaxed cause' D&T is already at the back of my mind, except for theory. Need not worry so much for English but have to continue to practice and practice more for poa and of course study for humans. The "O" level ambience is already here, I can totally feel it and intensive starts tomorrow. Many people are telling me not to got for tutor but I'll still go for tutor's because I can learn much more from her than in school. That's it for school.

Life's been good. Just that I always feel vacant inside me. Maybe it's because I haven't been to church for a long, long time that the spiritual side of me has gone as well. It sucks to feel this way because I'll tend to think alot if I feel vacant. And that's good and bad at the same time.

Was it a mistake to tell you my genuine thoughts? I feel that we've distant since that incident and I really wanna talk things out. I don't know if you still treasure this friendship as much as before and I don't know what I'm going through. It's just turmoils over and over again each day I wake up. You're the first person I think of at the beginning of the day and the last when I sleep. That's why I never ever wanted to tell someone my true feelings because I'm afraid this will happen and it'll be one- sided. And I guess it is so for us.

2009-08-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

If this is what I have to go through to be your love, I really don't know if this is more than I can take.

2009-08-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm having second thoughts of posting my true- felt thoughts here. Maybe I shouldn't cause' it's rather personal. I just wanna say, you no longer deserve my respect. Not at all. I tried to smile at you the other day and I felt so fake.

I'M DONE WITH MY PRESENTATION BOARD! I'm handing in 3 boards and I'm really proud of it. Of course not forgetting the teachers' help. Honestly speaking, they really helped me alot. If I don't get an A1, SEAB you watch out!! Friday is the dateline and I'm feeling nervous. I think it's because I still have doubts about my journal and stuff. But it'll all be over by this week. *smilezzz*

Today I saw ______ walking away. And I really felt indebted to ______. Really a nice person. Lord please bless her.

2009-08-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

DnT is more than halfway there, just got to complete drawings and gnatt chart and i hate doing gnatt chart. But with Chia by my side, i'm more than happy. I seriously love working with him cause he always makes me laugh. Okay la, I laugh practically at everything but he's just hilarious. That's why I simply love DnT lessons. And I really pray for an A1 cuz I really don't want to get just a B3, it's seriously wasted if I get that results. I think I'll just complete my Gnatt chart tomorrow la. I'm feeling super tired now.

School was *boo* cause Maths was screwed up but lunch was the bomb! Sarah and I practically laughed at every random things and people and it was seriously fun. We are simply just kids when we're together and i love that. Went back for dnt after lunch and did orthorgraphic drawings. And am feeling TIRED. gonna sleep. Night you!

2009-08-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

Today I went to church for Sarah Lin's birthday surprise and I realized how much I miss church.

The office.
The buildings.
The air- con smell.
The feel of being in Emmanuel.

I really miss them all. And I realized it is there that I'm myself and where I really like myself to be at. Jeremiah came up to me and beat around the bush to ask me back to church. Everything is just so in time. Chew and Seng are planning on returning to church. I'm still at a dilemma. But I know for sure I want to go back church. I just don't know when.

2009-08-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

I. saw. Jia. Cheng. today. And surprisingly, my heart didn't skip a beat. Okay well, it maybe did. But my heart was certainly not pumping fast. I texted Best immediately and we were like debating on whether I should say hi. But anyways, I didn't. Half of my mind was thinking "No. I'm a girl." The other half was "Please lor. You want to say hi just do it." But I just can't bring myself to say hi. He's slimmed down though. Not fat anymore:( Not cute. But good job on slimming down. Well if you ever read this. Which I doubt so. I prefer things to stay this way, that you'll always remain special in my heart. Just this would be enough. Nothing more than that.

2009-08-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

I didn't sit for chem prelim. Should I get an mc and sit for re-take or should I just forget it? I wanna forget it. Cause I'm not focusing on science for prelims. Okay, I think I'm just gonna take an mc from Dr Tan and sit for a re- take. I feel more at ease this way.

My mum did something significant today. She believed in me. She talks to me. Not like my pop, who always talks to me through my mum, and I've always hated that since young. If you've got something to say, just say it to me. Don't go through a third party, I hate it. Really hate it. And I've realized that I've drifted away from my family. That's a very bad thing. I'll try my best to have dinner with them at least 2 times per week.

Alright, best hasn't confirm with me for mltr eternity tour. :( But I'm still saving. And I've lost some weight. Happiness! And I miss best.

2009-08-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

87 days to freedom. Less than a month to intensive.

7 hours of Chemistry. It was good. Thank God man that I could pull through it. If this was in the past, I'd have died on the way. And guess what, I'm thinking if I should study for chem tomorrow. :/

History was screwed up. Maths, I did my best. And because I did my best, I slept during history. Annas best sia! Dropped his pen while sleeping. Mr Sham turned and laughed at him. Evillll! Was waiting for the clock to strike 1.30 and off Nas and I went to sign up for teachers' day concert. Which btw, is gonna be acapella. It's gonna be fun. Just pray that we'll have the guts to perform on that very day.

I miss spending time with you.

2009-08-11T02:58:00.001-07:00

School's great and I'm still thinking if I should stay home one month before Os to self- study, cause honestly speaking, I feel useless when I'm in school. It's not as if I'm not studying but it's just the teachers doubting you and predicted that you will not do well for Os. And that really brings me down. But oh well, I'm studying and they can say what they want cause it's their thoughts. I'm just not gonna care about them and do my best for the national exams.

And And And! Nas asked if I wanna join him for Singapore Idol Season 4. I'm really contemplating over this matter cause I always find Idol to be a very unrealistic route to a singing career, especially in Singapore. Local talents aren't doing really well and I always think that once a winner is pronounced, so? Even having a contract doesn't promise you a future. Moreover, I'll have to wait another 2- 3 years for Season 4 to appear. Huh! Happy waiting la.

Okay I got to rush for poa tuition cause I'm meeting Sarah at 0615 and now it's 0604!!

2009-08-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

J and I had a talk last night and it was *I don't know how to describe*. I just can't take in the fact that he's just hurting her over and over again. At first I thought it was 2 times and I was thinking of saying some good words for him, but then it was a total of 3 freaking damn times that he broke her heart and I'm just seriously freaking pissed off.

To *you*- You don't know how many damn times she has shed her tears for you in front of me and I'm starting to wonder whether are they worth it after all. You're just a lucky bastard when she's with you. I thought you'll learn your lesson after the first time but you're just taking her for granted. Two times before getting together and now, the third time. Seriously speaking, you're totally not worthy of her. A great girl with such great qualities, she has many more suitors whose qualities are far much better than yours and I'm sure who will give her the love that she deserves and will give up smoking for her, or maybe even more than that. She doesn't deserve this in any form alright! Listen up you ass, I will not hesitate to stand up for her and give you a freaking punch and slap on your gay face to wake your temptation- oriented mind up! You don't deserve her trust and love at all. Good thing that God knows this and you'll so get it on judgment day.

2009-08-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I'm too sweet as a friend. But I know that too much is never enough. What about those who chose to stay by their loved ones through trails and pain? What about those who never fail to make an effort to light up their special ones' day? What about her, who showed me what agape love really is? We only live once. You might not realized the importance of it but I don't want my life to be gone down the drain when I return to heaven. That's why I make it a point to text best every Sunday night to wish her a great week ahead. Don't matter if she doesn't reply me, I know that she knows my heart and will wish the same for me too. Friends, I have tons of them. But to those who really have a place in my heart, you can count with your fingers and honestly, I really can't live without them. Times with them may be weird, but at least we're making an effort to keep this friendship going and I believe that we will last long. What over is over, give your best to her and she will come round. I believe this is what she believes in when times were tough for her and it really came true for her.

2009-07-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

Today's the last day of July and I'm freaking scared and nervous for Os. Prelims' are like next Mon and 7 more weeks to Os. I'm really freaking out. Really really am...

2009-07-23T01:07:00.001-07:00

No school for me today cause firstly, i over slept. Secondly, I'm coughing and my throat hurts. The cough started at around 2plus in the afternoon. But one good thing, I did dnt today. :D POA tuition later. Aunty Ida's birthday tomorrow and Sarah & Mand's night at 1230!:D

2009-07-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching Harry Potter & Globet of Fire. CHO CHANG IS WAYYYY TOOO HOT! Omy! She's so pretty la. She's my idol.

Had tuition at 10plus in the morning and completed Probability. Quite happy cause' I managed to complete assignments. Science is starting in 2 weeks time i think. I'm quite okay that Prelims' in 2 weeks time. Is that good or bad?

Fri had over- night study with Sarah and it was reallllyyy fun! We went to Crowne Hotel but got chased out(rude term) after about an hour. So we went to T2 Macs and chatted for quite a while. I'm glad we catch up on each other's life and troubles. I'm glad that you shared with me hun.:D Quality time with her was reallyy gooddd and funn. We did quite a few stupid and hilarious stuff though. We should have this more often. hah!

alright gtg. btw, pray for my bro, he's having a fever. I'm quite worried for him.

2009-07-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

School was...(I think you get what I mean.) How I wish we can stay home and self- study instead of going to school EVERY FIVE FREAKING DAYS of the week and even get suan at for not even trying to improve my studies. It's not like you live with me right, how can you predict that I didn't study and didn't try to improve on my Chem! Don't say like you know everything. I just have this thing against some of the St. Hilda's teachers and people. Not the friends, my friends are AWESOME- NESS!!! OKAY, enough of complaining and blaberring.

Prelims' in 24 days time, less than 3 weeks and I'm 75% done with D&T! Mandy is a happy girl! But I'm t. i.r.e.d. Everybody is la. I just wanna sleeeeppppp but before I do that, let's draft up things- to-do AFTER Os! :^

1. JAMMING WITH DANK & GUYS!(I'M REALLY PRAYING FOR TIME TO PASS SOONER HAVING THIS IN MY MIND.!)
2. Work and Revenue please.
3. Official date with my love and best!
4. Clothes hunting.
5. Room transformation. (With Elvis, MJ and Leslie's posters in my room. My room is seriously gonna become the Room Of Fame. Sooner or later with my photo up too haha!
6. I'm so gonna look sizzzzlllliinnggg hawt!

2009-07-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Okay my blog is gonna be boring NO MORE! Just to let everyone know, I've got a life kay!

Tuition today and was super irritated. Ask me for more details. Too lazy to post it here, on public some more. After tuition, Chew, Sarah and I went to Macs and of course! WE slacked and Glenn and clique came by. It was freaking funny but I can't post it here cuz okay, I'm lazyyyy. Then quality time with Chew! Talked rubbish and stuff, I reallllyyyy love talking to him. He never fail to make me laugh, thank God for him man.:D okay I have school tomorrow but I doubt I'll be logging off anytime soon.

Have a great week ahead!:D

Mand.

2009-06-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

Mandy has been living in regrets and she wants to step out of it. And she will.

2009-06-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

I looked back at my life one day
Witnessing how faithful is He to me in my everyday
How gracious is He to me
He's invisible, untouchable and crucially,
unthinkable.
No matter how much I seek Him, He always have a further depth,
which no one else can fathom.
Not by might, not by power but by the spirit of God.
Nevertheless, insomnia is still there for me almost every night.
To others that may be a nightmare,
but to me, that's a sign to tell me that I have not read my daily bread,
therefore, I can't rest.

That's how much I need God.

All I want for you is to never lose yourself baby. Please do know that you're still my soft spot and you're truly loved.

2009-06-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

I MISS VANESSA!!

I MISS JAZZLYN!!

2009-05-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

Life is such a torture and yet at the same time, a blessing which we'd be thankful for.
I guess it's so common that everyone hates life but contradicting this, we love life at the same time too. It's just the moments and people who make the best of life.

Man, I really miss Sherwin now. :(

2009-05-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

My Dad asked me, "So, was it an investment or a loss to bring you up?"

My Mum asked me, "Do you feel inferior at times when your Dad isn't as rich as your friends?"

My reply is, "One day you'll know."

My reply is, "Definitely. But growing up with God is honestly better than growing up with buckets of money. I don't want to grow up with the mentality of having money naturally means anything can be done. Though our family isn't rich monetarily, but we're rich with the goodness of God. Without God, I wouldn't be born after your 7 long- waited years. Without God, I wouldn't enjoy every moment what life has to offer. Without God, I wouldn't be who I am today. Without God, I wouldn't have the best friends that anyone can ask for. And without the grace of God, I would not definitely love myself for who I was and who I am."

2009-05-08T12:05:00.001-07:00

" Past the seeker as he prayed, came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them, the holy one went down into deep prayer and cried, Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them? And out of the long silence, God said, I did do something...I made YOU."
Sufi teaching story --- Submitted by Ka Ra Robb --- Illinois
In our troubled world, we often ask why?

2009-05-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

God is good
All the time
He puts a song of praise in this heart of mine.

It was a great day! Yes I spent it with my beloved pretty lady Sherwin Kuah! We had Gelare after she waiting for me for a freaking 20 mins! Stupid me! Though we didn't talk much but I still enjoyed the quality time nevertheless. She always makes me feel dependent on her and I know life won't be the same without her. She did a really sweet thing today. My pad leaked... And she was more panic than i was. Goodness! So we went to buy pads at Cold Storage and she gave her FBT to me. I was so touched la. She's one of the greatest blessings that God has given to me. I love you Jiong! We shared about our dreams and aspirations. And I could see that she was really tired and my heart hurts after seeing her. She was totally worn out. Stupid jc life! I wished I could help her in some way or another but all I can do is to pray for strength for her and continue praying for her. We went home at 7plus and now, I've got to study! Goodbyeeee! :D

2009-04-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling...Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" — is not merely a feeling."

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I really needed this enlightenment at some point in time but I thank God that it's all over. I've truly learnt many things from this phase of my life.

1. Often it's always about us, not about God.
As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap.
If we don't do something, God can do nothing.
He wants us to overcome the obstacle, but He also wants us to play a part.
Many times God wants to say a "yes" to us so much, that He has to say a "no" sometimes.

2. Wrong love leads to a destructive downfall.
I've told myself this countless times but I always find myself back at square one. Because I didn't want to get out of it. until one fine day, my Mum told me that it hurts her so much for seeing me crying so much for her. That was my turning point. Friends, treat your Mum well!

3. "All things work together for the good of those who love Him, who has been called according to His purposes"- Romans 8: 28
This verse has proved God's faithfulness and abundant love for me through the years. So as long as we keep our eyes focused on the things that please God, He will definitely see us through. He won't watch us dying without saving us. But before He can save us, we have to go to Him.

2009-04-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

Today. is. Friday.

And I'm glad that we managed to talk things out.

2009-04-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

Before I fall asleep every night,
you're always in my mind.
Every night without fail,
I'm always reminded of the little things that you've done for me.

But at the same time,
you are the friend whom I've cried most for.
I questioned God,
why are you the one I've cried so much for?
Soon, He replied me,
"It's not Me dear.
It's you."

That hit me.
and now I know,
I've put my everything in you,
when I shouldn't.
That's gonna be it,
no longer you and you, and you.
I'm gonna be more of my Saviour.

2009-04-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody?
Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry?

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?
Looking down the road you shouldn't be taking.

I should know,
cause' I loathe the lost the day I let you go.

I know I hadn't been blogging for ages but it always seems that when I blog, there is something troubling me. Hah. I guess this is where I put my troubles into words, where I put my sorrows down on "paper".

You know, sometimes I just feel that I'm a jerk. Literally one bad ass. I just can't get over the fact that I treated her so badly though we had so much fun time together...

We are friends for a long while, and to think back, she was the very first person who brought so much laughter into my life, and after which, we brought joy to another person's life together, We'd have night calls and end the call with humorous acts. I still remember the times when she just couldn't bear to hang up the phone and I'd start laughing all over again. That 4 years have been one of the highlights of my primary school life. As we enter into the third phase of our education years, I got so carried away by my CCA and my new friends that I started to neglect this special friend of mine. I treated her badly. Real bad. To an extent that I don't want to talk about it. Now, I really regret it. And I'm trying to be a better friend to her. After so long, I didn't know that she still holds a special place in my heart, just that for so long, I didn't want to admit it. I want to say I'm sorry, I really want to say I'm sorry, but I just don't know how to. God, please help me. You've blessed me with this special friend yet I didn't treat her well. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

2009-03-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

I wonder, what was going through your mind when you said something that curses heaven.

I wonder, if your love for God is thickly covered under the blankets of peer pressures, secular distractions, hatred and grievances or did they just disappeared in thin air, in a snap of fingers.

I convinced myself time and again that your love for Him will not vanish just like that, like the flower quickly fading. Instead I wish that your love for Him will come haunting you every nightfall, reminding you of the God whom you once served and I believe, the One whom you will never stop serving.

You put a new song in me,
a song that reignites the passion for Your Name.

2009-03-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects..
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'
'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber.
'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'
'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because
if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah!, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'
'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

2009-03-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from tuition and yes! I'm feeling dead beat. Honestly speaking, who doesn't? Everyone has been feeling really lethargic these days, some cause' of jc, others cause' of school work. Some regarding their walk with God(that includes me to btw..)

I know I'm in no position to shout out that I'm tired but I REALLY AM! Here's my schedule if you wanna know: 4 drill pracs this week.
Remedial almost everyday.
Tuition 2x per week.

Hell will be over by next week. God, I'm waiting for next week to come. In the mean time, keep us, the drill com team in prayer. Thanks sweets!

Cheers,
Mand.

2009-03-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm blogging at a freaking ungodly timing at 1256am when I'm supposed to be done with my uniform and boots. Oh well. I'm still gonna blog.

I MISS THE THREESOME! AHHH! Don't ask me why but I've just been thinking of Sec 2 when Chew, Seng and I would stay back in school till the wee hours in the night to study. Hey we did study alright and we did quite well. For that year. :) I miss those times when we study together. I miss those times we did stupid things together, like luring me into the boys' toilet. I mean it's just Shawn Chew. What would you expect? I can't wait for 19 April! Night cycling! And fyi, it's the day I step down from GB officially. Alright Chew and Seng, now you can't say that I'm putting GB as my priority okay. We have to meet up someday manzzz! I miss the 3 of us. :(

2009-02-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

A prayer answered once again! He's definitely near me. Every time I turn to God in prayer, He'll never fail to bring me through crisis, regardless big or small. This is my God.

SS and History tests were thankfully manageable and and yes, they squeezed the brain juices out of me. But hey! At least I managed to be able to write an essay with relevant factors and points. Thank God! I've spent only 20 minutes? on studying SS & Hist and thank God man! I actually felt peace at heart. I realized that it's not a matter of whether I can study, but it's a matter of want or not.

(Thank God that I'M A CHRISTIAN!)

There's Chem test tomorrow and I'm off to study the notes now. Addios!

Cheers,
Mand.

2009-02-25T05:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not myself these days.
I've long forgotten who I really am.
Totally.
I may be smiling on the outside,
But I'm lost inside, thoroughly.
Who am I fighting in life for?
The purpose is often blurred,
Too many times to count.

Who am I studying for?
Who am I living for?
Without my very first love,
It's really hard to get by with life.
I need you Daddy,
Though I can't see you,
You are ever- present in my life.
Without You, I really can't go on.
Let me run back to You,
Because in You,
I'll always be able to find my true self.

2009-02-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

I miss you Kuah Jiong Jiong!

2009-02-22T04:38:00.000-08:00

Hello world! I'm alright now. I'm sorry about the previous emo post. Was feeling really down last night and wanted to find somewhere to vent everything out. Not to worry, everything is alright now. :)

I didn't attend church like some other Sundays cause' today is not like other Sundays. Just wanted to stay home and take a rest from the normal routine cause' I was feeling really drained out physically, emotionally and spiritually. I just wanted to be alone, all by myself. It's better now. Took a few moments to just worship God and that really helped alot. I felt so lost when I didn't turn to Him when I needed Him most, instead I turn to my friends. Now friends, that's a really wrong move. Really turn to God when we need Him, never assume that friends understand everything, only God does. But I'm not saying I have friends who don't understand me, but you get what I mean.

I got to go now, that's all for the updates for now. Have a great week ahead.

Cheers,
Mand.

2009-02-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

Everything in life seems to be so blurry.

Nothing seems right, nothing feels right.

I need a light, a direction and a hope.

I need you by my side.

At this point in time, I really need you.

2009-02-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

I am alright.

But I'm resting at home.

Nothing's wrong.

Just that the doctor suspected that my appendix was swollen.

And if the pain returns in the middle of the night,

I'll have to fly to A&E for a check- up.

But!

THANK GOD!

The pain did not return.

Yea that's about it.

Cheers,
Mand.

2009-02-16T04:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life just brings the best out of you, but it can also bring out the worst in you.

We don't normally ask how, we ask why.

At that split second, I can literally feel Your heartbreak.
And it freaking hurts. Really.

2009-02-09T04:08:00.000-08:00

This blog is really being deserted by me so badly. Oh well, I guess life has been too goody for me that I've already long forgotten about this site of mine. Life's been great so far. I've been talking to friends whom I used to hate and not talk to at all. And I'm really blessed to have them in our crossing paths. I guessed everyone has a certain depth of LOVE for every individual. I mean 5A didn't start off well. Different cliques here and there but through these 2 years, we've really grown so much with each other. The class unity seems so strong these days. I love SEC 5! "O"s seem to be more manageable with them by my side. Half of my peers have already moved up to JC or poly and I did felt really lost and really moody during the first few months, but I've learnt how to move on with the strength from my heavenly Papa. Thank you Daddy! I love you so much from the bottom of my heart. I know my love can't be measured up to Yours, but I just wanna say I really do love you because I know that all I have to do is to trust in You, and You'll make my paths straight. If I were given another chance to choose life again, I'd still choose this life because I would want none other than this, the family, the friends, the school, the life are just simply awesome because You are all in it. You are always there in every aspect of my life. I love you.

2009-02-04T09:01:00.001-08:00

It's been a long time since I've placed my fingers on the keyboard to update this. Life's good thus far, academically improving(seriously by God's grace!), late- comings to school has reduced. BUT ONE BAD THING! MISS YEW CAUGHT ME USING MY HAND PHONE TODAY! But she said nothing but I can kindda sense that she's feeling disappointed in me. But anyway, I won't dwell on this cause' if I do, I won't get anywhere. I'll just be stuck in this how-people-see-me kind of thing. Ms Gan texted me today and I was really mad at her. How many times has this been? Countless alright, but aiya, never mind la. 2 more months only, I'll just get through this and get out of GB, maybe not. Mom told me to say a prayer for her each time she sends me a really discouraging message(I can literally imagine her scolding me!), Ern told me to not listen out for her tone but her words, that really helped love!:D That's over! So yeah, I won't think much about it.

I'm pretty sure that this year's gonna be a tough one, to not only mature in Him, but to also get my life right and follow wise and right advices that will lead me to the place where He has planned for me. I'm still praying if TP Hospitality and Tourism is the right course for me. But whenever I see that course on TP brouchure, I'm so certained and at peace with it. Nevertheless, I'd want to be where God wants me to be, not somewhere that I want but not in accordance to His plans and purposes for me. That will be a difficult life boy! God is great and He will always be. :)

I miss those times when we were together,
talking over the phone,
shopping together,
singing to each other over the phone.
I really don't want to see you drifting away from God just becasue of one person.
I know that we've drifted apart,
I may not be the one whom you'll call in times of need anymore,
but I just have to let you know that I really miss you.
I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed someone.
Sometimes I'd just stare at my phone blankly,
hoping that you'll call me just like how you used to.
I really miss you so much boy.
Good night.

2009-01-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

It's 1208am. It's time to sleep early these days hun. Anyways, school was great! I managed to keep awake during Hist, prob because I'm in love with His- tory. It's true alright! Better than those farmers. Drill was funnnnnnnn but the embarrassing part was that I had to be called out for foundation class. Arghhh! PBB GIRL LEH! Stupid man! I HATE LONG COMMANDS. BUT THE BIBLE SAYS TO LOVE YOUR ENEMIES! I SHALL LOVE YOU LONG COMMANDS! Today was quite a day, I also don't know what to say now. I guess I'm tired. Yea, maybe. Oh well then, Nights! Sweet dreams! :D THANKS FOR READING THIS REALLY BORING POST.

2009-01-27T06:55:00.000-08:00

You know'
when I finally come to realize how colourful life is,
I find out at the same time,
that life is nothing but just a breeze.
That's right, a breeze that just sways past your face.
So fast so that you can never grasp it when it's going.
And now, it's gone forever and ever.

Shuts! I never knew that life can be so precious to me. I finally come to terms that I'm 17. Not that I didn't know or what, but now I feel like a 17. To me right now, I feel that 16 was so childish and whatever. I mean 16 sounds so young, so I very much prefer 17. It makes you feel like an adult, a young adult. When you know how to make decisions for yourself and think more for those around you. Be more grounded in your religion and be more focus on your studies. Maybe not to you, but that's for me. I spent four years fooling around in school and doing stupid stuff. Now, it's time to get dead serious with where I'm going, what I'm doing. I know what I'm supposed to do, I know where I wanna head in, I'm relying on God, and in Him, I'll surrender my life.

Through these seventeen years of my life,
You've never left Your eyes one second off me.
You watch me grow up,
You're there in my everyday life,
You know my daily routines,
You watch me fall in love,
You protected me from any harms,
You nudge me when things goes wrong,
You talked to me when I'm down,
You send me friends when I needed them most,
You gave me courage when I'm not bold enough,
You gave me the love that I so ever needed,
You took me out of the bondage,
You made a miracle in my life.
And You, made me, to be a miracle.
Nothing can take You away from me,
because You'll never leave me.
You've shown me how to live, love and give.
Thank you for making me for who I am,
thank you for letting me find You,
thank you, for giving me life.

2009-01-24T20:28:00.000-08:00

Blessed Lunar New Year to all!

The Leong family is having reunion dinner at my house tonight. It has been a long time since we've gotten together to enjoy each other's company and I pray that no conflicts will ever happen. Oh! That means that income's starting to roll in already! Like tonight! *excited excited!*

My Mom and I did spring cleaning yesterday and honestly. I didn't do much cuz wo xing dong bu fang bian. DA YI MA lai le! I packed my messy wardrobe cuz I was looking high and low for my Giodarno basic tee for friday but I couldn't find it, so I settled for the black top. FRIDAY WAS AWESOME! We (Yi Xiang, Marc See, Gregory, JoelL, Chew, Raj, Glenn, Seng, Van, Jazz, Sher, Bao and I) were at Marina Square Cafe Cartel for Seng's and my bd. It was irritatingly fun. They "stole" my bag and gave me a new bag. Glenn kept bugging me "You got $$ to pay meh??" Nevertheless, the dinner is one that I'll never forget. It was the first surprise dinner that anyone gave me. And I could never imagine that my friends would all come together and celebrate Seng's and my birthday. These are all possible because of two special peoople in my life(well, I hpoe that they'll become special to each other too! :D ) Bao Hui and Shawn Chew. Thanks for the surprise that you've planned for Seng and I. The stress and uncertainties you two faced to make this possible for Seng and I, we truly appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. You two are the greatest friends that anyone could ever ask for. Thanks for being there in my times of trouble and needs. I seriously love you guys to the ends of the Earth. Love youse!

And I would like to thank these people who wished me Happy BD on my bd! :D

Shawn Chew
Bao Hui
JoelL
Deon
Sher
Jazz
Ern
Emma
Basia
Zhiyin
Eunice
Glynis
Janice
Sarah
Seng
Fahmi
Choo
Melody
JoeyW!
Avryl
Yan Yan

2009-01-16T08:39:00.001-08:00

The urge to be there for you gets stronger each time I see you.
Oh my! Don't you have this charisma in you,
that attracts Yours Truly to you.
The want to be always near you,
or just simply the thought of having you as mine,
they just blow me away.
I wonder if you would ever have your eyes upon this,
but be rest assured,
I'll always have mine on you.

2009-01-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

I forgot what I wanted to post! Shucks! OH! Yes! I remembered!

SARAH TAY EN HUI IS GONNA TAKE UP MUAY THAI SOON!!!(like end of this week!)

Shoot! I'm so so so so jealous of her now! But it's alright, I shall take up MT at the eoy and exceed her far more than she could ever imagine. Watch out girl! Anyway, I'm like on Threadless.com now and I suddenly remembered that Glenn and I made a pact to make a trip to our neighbour's land(Malaysia that is!) to do some shopping! Don't worry Glenn, I'm sure your mom will agree when she's aware of me going with you. I was so shocked when he told me that tops and tees are cheaper for more than half the price. My jaw practically drooooppppped! Ok la, say that it's common sense cause' it's like Malaysia but still, so cheap! Buy buy buy! I realllyyy can't wait for december but Sec5's gonna like be gone in a gush of wind. Well maybe that's too exaggerated but time is still gonna pass us by so fast that when we finally pause to ponder, we're already in the 7th month of 2009, nearing Os. I wouldn't want that to happen to me cause it's the most important year of my secondary school life and the year when my covenant ends. I really don't know what lies ahead of me, neither do I want to know cause' I know God wants to surprise me and He will certainly have the best in store for me. All I can say is that 2010 is gonna be great cause' it's a new chapter of life in every aspect of my life here on Earth. I want to make every moment count, and to live life with no regrets, like there's no tomorrow.

2009-01-15T03:24:00.001-08:00

For one reason or another, I'd have to thank Kuah Jiong, BH and a special someone.

The state of my heart

2009-01-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

is just purely messy.

I couldn't think of anything more.

2009-01-11T06:27:00.000-08:00

To you, whoever is reading this.

Forget the old Mandy,
for she's not what she should be.
The surface you may see,
might not be what you wanna wish.

2009-01-10T08:48:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I'll really love myself,
but sometimes I'd just get so disgusted with my attitudes and stuff.

To be honest, I think I've changed. Maybe for the worse, but at least not returning to what I used to be. I simply feel that I'm becoming more and more worldly, maybe because of the influences around me. I don't care if I can feel God a not, but I'm more concerned if He feels me, the heartbeat which is still wanting to beat for Him till the last moment of my life. I'm learning to put myself in His shoes, to understand His feelings, His thoughts, His actions and most importantly His love. I seriously think that my God is one who is really worth serving. He is an exceptional God, thus He requires exceptional doings from us. It's just myself.

2009-01-04T23:05:00.000-08:00

MANDY LEONG YU LING DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY CAUSE' SHE THINKS IT'S PRETTY USELESS TO ATTEND TODAY'S CURRICULUM .

Absolutely so. I woke up near 11am when I was supposed to be awake by 9. Cool huh! My Mom was a cool mom last night, I asked her,

Mand: "Ma, can I dun go to school tomorrow? Lessons haven't officially start yet."

Ma: "Up to you lor, but make sure you finish up your homework."

Thus, lessons will officially kick off tomorrow and Sec 5 life begins. I won't know how well will I do, I don't know if I can have the strength, I'm not sure if I can have good grades. All I know is that it takes two hands to clap, to have a purpose- driven life, I need to have a focused life. All I have to do is to make sure that I'll always have my eyes set upon my God and all will turn out well because all things work for the good of those who love Him, who has been called according to His purposes.

God doesn't play dice. -Albert Einstein

2009-01-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

There's 17th birthday this year.

There's 5A this year.

There's O's this year

There's tuition teacher this year.

There's science mugging this year. (like FINALLY!)

There's graduation this year.

There goes my covenant next year.

2009-01-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

We all want something more than just a simple life

There is a burning that's inside of my soul

I had the words but then I threw them away

From a face in the crowd to the one the crowd faces.

Love the dumb things we do when we're young

Live life with no regret

Put your heart out there dont be scared you might get hurt

For now I'll say goodbye but I don't think we're through.

I still have your "One More Try" in my phone kay!

2009-01-01T06:09:00.000-08:00

New Year! It's the time of the year! 010109! Pang Shi Jie birthday quite nice sio, 090909. I bet that there'll be lovebirds walking down the red carpet on that day too...like Fann Wong and Christopher Lee.

Met Jan and clique at Tanah Merah to make our way down to Marina Sqaure. Then the clock strikes 12! THE FIREWORKS WERE FABULOUS! I wish that I could upload the video Jan took for the fireworks but I can't:( The fireworks were about 6 mins++ and as usual and expected, Marina Bay, Marina Square and Esplanade were as squeezy as you can imagine. Went back to Tamp and sat down outside the control station like emo kids and starting drinking away. Don't worry, we drank voda voda. Returned home at around 2plus and Ern called me! Love you to the ends of the galaxy hun.Slept near 5. I slept later than you Janice Gee! And you woke up later than me, what rubbish! I got to get my ass out of the computer chair and get my homework done. Helloo! Don't say I got no life kay! Secondary school is supposed to be the time of our life! So I'm having an extra year cause' I'm an extraordinary person hahaha! I've a feeling that 2009 is gonna be a really great year, but I'm having jitters about it as well. 17 years old... Jiong, let's face it la, we're just stepping into adulthood a little bit sooner than anyone, other than TANSZE-ERN. Hahaha!

Here's another of my thanksgiving message to someone special.

Sherwin KJW- Jiong Jiong, first things first, you're really really a great friend. I know this is really so common to hear but I know it comes from an uncommon heart of mine. Don't worry, I'm not a les or what. This year has been a really meaningful year becaue of you in my life. Many things happened and of course I'd have to thank you for them. You may not know them but be rest assured, I'll tell you when the time is ripe. I actually have a list of things to tell you, well, here they go......Better not la, I'll tell them to you on...you guess la. Hahah! But nonetheless, I wanna say thank you for all that you've done and sacrificed for me. I love you hun.

I'm praying that you won't turn your back on your first love boy.

2008-12-30T10:19:00.001-08:00

I'm just done with my resolutions and man! I'm so happy with it cause I did them right after qt and I immediately felt peace. Like right away baby! Thats the way how God works, the inner peace which surpasses all human understanding. I was just telling Bao Hui that I wouldn't want God to speak to me like practically cause I'd be freaked out. I mean who wouldn't! We'd rather Him giving us signs and wonders. I'm sorry God, not that I don't want to hear from You, as much as I want to, I'm afraid too. Please take away this freaking fear of mine. Speak to me if You want, but not in a thunderstorm, that will just scare the hell out of me. I know You get what I totally mean.

It's just 22 hours to 2009. As I bid goodbye to 2008, I'd want to express my grattitude to the following people who has blessed me so much in the past year(2 people first),

Sarah Lin- thank you for being there for me when I really needed someone to count on in the difficult moments of my life.

LBH- Bao'er! Thank you for being who you are. You're just a completely fabulous friend that anyone could ever dream of. Thank you for being the prayer answered for many sacrifices. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to just talk to in the middle of the night. Thank you for picking up the calls despite of the unholy timings that I called just to disturb you. Thank you for allowing me to suan you as many times as I can. Thank you for being so gullible and believing everything that I told you, including those "lies" that I said. Thank you for letting me to be an ass to you. Thank you for coming to church. Thank you for keeping food for me. Thank you for accompanying on the swing. Thank you for cleaning up for Christmasquerade. Thank you for being the brave one when I couldn't be. Thank you for telling me those heart-to-heart things like **. Thank you for sharing room with me in Cambodia, esp at KGH, I wouldn't know what to do without you early in the morning. Thank you for smuggling albums back for me. Thank you for helping to pack my baggage. Thank you for reminding me that I should hide my albums in my Ali Baba bag. Thank you for loving me!

宝儿，我爱你！

2008-12-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling much better now, especially after talking to Jiong. I tell you, we have telephaty okay. Our radars are quite sensitive to one another. We think the same, we're like in the same "dramatic" life, we both love Peranakan (if our papa and mama tell us that we're peranankan, we're gonna fly to the moon.) We're both afraid of 17 years old, we both love innocent guys like Nickky from Machi. But I'm still very much in love with Kenji.

Dear Jiong, if you're reading this, I wanna say I LOVE YOU TILL THE ENDS OF THE MOON!!! AND RETURN MY MESSAGE!!! IT HAS BEEN MORE THAN AN HOUR I TEXTED YOU SHERWIN KUAH JIONG WEI!!

Am listening to Everytime by A1 and I'm once again reminded that my albums are all with Loh Bao Hui. She keeps forgetting to bring my albums time and again and I'm really fed up! Na I'm just joking, you know right, I can be quite an ass at times. Pain in the ass indeed!

At this point in time, I'm experiencing a grandchild and grandmother conversation.

2008-12-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

For one reason or another, I feel like crying. I just feel so far from God, probably because qt have not been done 7 days a week. I realised that I really can't go on without Him. With Him around, the feelings are gone. Without Him, the feelings somehow came back. I don't want to love you this way. But though my mind says so, my heart chooses to rebel against me. Prob because Lu knows that I'm away from God, he attacks me at my vulnerable. Must be so. Lu knows nothing inside, he's just guessing my thoughts according to what I do, my physical going arounds. The heart is really a deceitful and cunning organ. No wonder the bible says so.

2008-12-28T04:58:00.000-08:00

心跳

王力宏

想跟我吵架我没那麽无聊
不懂得道歉我没那麽聪明
好想要回到我们的原点

你又在哭泣我给不了安慰
我又在摇头有那麽点後悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走

但身不由己出现在胸口
两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始能不能给一秒
等着哪一天你也想起

那悬在记忆中的美好

I'm currently hooked onto this song, 心跳. It's a highly recommended song and you should really read the Youtube comments. All are positive man! ALL! This song is really fabulous!

Why?

Firstly, it's a really catchy tune.

Secondly, it captures the heart of many. I'm certainly sure that this'd capture yours too. I bet that you'll sing this in your bathroom!

Enjoy.

2008-12-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.
He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.
Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.
As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.
Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it.
He was shocked and grieved.
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching!
Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes.'
But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'
Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?'
So, Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'
Sally just smiled and said, 'Well,that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.'
She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?'
So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several day of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's hefinally couldn't stand it any longer.
He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.
Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You?see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing,but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter.
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done.
And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ..whatever it is...
you need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life.
He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.
He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets.
It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.
Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today.
Share this with a friend and always remember: God is at the window!

2008-12-27T02:02:00.000-08:00

Cause' nobody wants to be the last one man
Everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Somebody else must feel the same somewhere

2008-12-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

The ferry ride to Batam was an hour. And it certainly allowed me to ponder on the little stuff that hung right at the back of me ever since don't know when. But while I was thinking them through, I actually asked God "Why did You let me go through these things? There must be something more to it. It's certainly more than letting me know how awesome and wonderful You are as my creator who knows me inside out"& the scariest thing is that I'm afraid that history would repeat itself, that I'd be back to square one. I'm sorry if this is kinda secretive and mysterious, but I just wanna find a place to think it through. Thanks for reading if you're still reading.

I may seem strong on the outside,
but believe me,
I'm really fragile on the inside.

2008-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

I will love you till the end of time
Every breathe of mine I'll hold you by my side
I'll rest in peace my sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

-Let me die, Nicholas Tse

2008-12-25T01:16:00.000-08:00

Press play!!

2008-12-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

It's like freaking 0000 in the morning and once again, it's the time of the year. MERRY eve CHRISTMAS!!

Whoa hoh! It's Christmas Eve already and I'm not sure if I'm going Uncle Edmund's house for Christmas, and how about I don't even know a single cousin there except for Amelia and Amanda(she's the one who took my name btw.) It's gonna be like weird and stuff and I know what you're thinking. A social animal like me knows not how to socialise? Hey I know alright, just that I just feel super weird cause I only see them every few years and what about they are like my cousins?. Aiya I don't know la. I shall see when the time comes, which is like tomorrow.

Anyways, I've kindda started on my holiday assignment. Completed 2 SS questions, say that I'm pro, c'mon say it, I know you wanna say. 2 SS questions in freaking 45 mins. Pro sio. But I don't know for what reason, I feel so proud that I even managed to touch my assignments, Chun Feng hasn't even started his alright. I'm better off than him, well hope he doesn't read this. :D

2009 is just 1 week away, to make it longer, 7 days. I'm counting down and shuts! I haven't done my resolutions and plans. This is no good of a sign. I'm gonna stop work at the end of January. Okay think of this kay, counting from the first day that I started work till now, I've only worked for like 4 days. Four days only and Mom actually wanted me to quit this Sat, or so I told her. Including Sat will be 5 days. IMAGINE! QUITTING AFTER WORKING AT BAKERZIN FOR FIVE DAYS!! Yea thats why I decided to give Bakerzin some face, work until Jan ends and then, shall I fully concentrate on Os. Wish me all the best hommies.

With _____
(fill in the blanks yourself!)
Mand Mand

2008-12-21T03:04:00.000-08:00

Cuz' ultimately, I wouldn't wanna see you in hell. Neither anyone.

2008-12-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

There are times in life when you gotta crawl
Lose your grip, trip and fall
When you can't lean on no-one else
That's when you find yourself
I've been around and I've noticed that
Walking's easier when the road is flat
Them danged ole hiils'll get you every time
Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains
So we could learn how to climb

-Lonestar, Mountains.

2008-12-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day

I didn't see the light
I didn't know day from night
I had no reason to care
But since you came along
I can face the dawn
Cause I know you'll be there

Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day

I'll never worry
If it's raining outside
Cause in here with you girl
The sun always shines

Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day, yeah

A good morning beautiful...day

Good morning beautiful
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful
Good morning beautiful
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful day
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful

2008-12-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

I realized it soon enough baby,
that you're not the one for me.
As much as I want you to be,
too bad darling,
you'll never be.

I prayed,
I prayed,
and I prayed.
I fasted too, I think,
to ask God, if you're the one for me.

As time passes me by, same goes for the feelings too.
This certainly isn't the time for me,
neither it is for you.
Friends are the better platform for us,
so will we.

2008-12-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

会唱情歌的人，
不一定懂得如何去爱。
我们都会唱情歌，
但我们，都无法把爱，说出口。

2008-12-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

I think Usher looks really sophisticated and hip here.
Totally potrayed the hip- hop and kind of classy
look here.
And oh! fyi, his second child is born, is a he.

2008-12-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

Wherever you go,
whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes,
or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.

Isn't that sweet? Shayne Ward is really one great singing artiste man! (But Kenji is still first on my list sweet love. Well SW can be second.) This is one of the very few songs that touches my heart. Ain't the lyrics meaningful and sincere? Composing a song for your beloved is one of the sweetest things to do for her, guys, this is a really awesome suggestion alright. Take it from a girl herself, woman knows what a woman wants.

Packed my room, or rather just the table today. It was just the table and dang! I took the whole day. But at least for now my table looks so much presentable, for now. And I've been wearing the same clothes for two days, and honestly speaking, I find that cool. I mean I wear 1 set of uniform one week. Yeah ewwwwwwwww. But I just feel so comfortable wearing that set of unifrom. I'm sorry if I grossed you out. Well if you're wondering if I did change my ____, I did la! (Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? HAHA!) I'm not that disgusting.

Yen has put me up on friday, 0930- 0300. Thank God for that! I'm working one day this week. Can you believe it?? ONE DAY only! What's on this week?

1. Christmasquerade.
2. Family outing to BATAM next friday. (I'm serious for this Bao. I ain't lying this time haha!)

That should be all.

Till then,
Mand Mand.

2008-12-14T01:12:00.001-08:00

I'M BACKI'M BACKI'M BACK!!! Tell me that you missed me won't you! Cambodia was awesome and AWESOME! I really can't imagine 11D10N without anyone on the team. Every individual one of them made such a special presence in the team, without anyone of them, I bet that the trip wouldn't be as fun as it was. I just wanna say to the team I LOVE YOU GIRLS! 11D10N spent with you babes was really one of the times of my life and I'll never ever forget this trip. Promise me that you won't too kay? :)

Highlights of the mission trip:

1. H2H with Basia.
(I'd never imagined that this will happen especially when I used to be sooo uber afraid of her.)
2. H2H with Ern.
(Muacksz!)
3. Star- gazing at Baray.
(It was certainly the bomb hon! The stars were so beautiful.)
4. Mission work at Widows' Island.
5. Russian and Central Market.
(Bargained like mad when you get there!)
6. Bus rides.
(Esp after dinner!)
7. Same same but different.
8. No money No friends No friends No love No love No honey
(or something along that line.)

And there are so so so many things that I love about mission trip, just that I couldn't remember. Anyways, Mission trip was the bomb and if I had the chance to go back Cambodia again, I'd certainly go, only if the same team is going. Na I'm just kidding hahaha!

Now, back in Singapore, Ern's at KL until thursday and shucks! I'm missing her soo badly already. :( Hurry back love! Missing you in Sinagpore.

2008-11-27T13:05:00.000-08:00

Congrats you're a TomBoy!
You like to wear mostly boy clothes
and play lots of sports and mostly like to hang out with boys!

This is just some random quiz I took from Facebook, to be exact, it's called "What Type Of Girl Are You?" And Sam said it is super duper accurate. Now I have no options but to say yes to that opinion cuz Mand is really a tomboy but is turning femenine day by day. Actually if you've realised, the way I point at things now is so not me. Its like so gu- niang but so? I like it. I shall post up a pic of my hand pointing at things one day, it'd be probably after Cam trip. And! Yes! Talking about Cambodia, I'm leaviing in about 12 hrs and 45 mins time. This is really coming wayyyyyyy toooooo fastssttttt. I guessed it's because I didn't really spend my time wisely and just let the days went by. This is no good. Mand has got to learn to make the best use of her time on earth. Today was a good day.

The Cam GB girls spent our day at Ms Gan's house packing items for the trip and if Emma didn't point that out, I wouldn't know that we'd actually spent 7 hrs there. Well, 快乐的时光过得特别快, especially with GB girls. Spending time with the girls are certainly one of the best moments of my secondary school life hon. I can't believe that I even thought of quitting GB, dumb me. Laughters were heard all over the house and cranky jokes resurfaced again. And as usual, cranky laughters were broken out, thank God that Qian Ting isn't there man, but we had the imitation one, Van. This lady imitated QT so well that... yea she laughed like her. Thus, this shows one thing, wherever Vanessa Yong Hui Ming is, laughters will surely be heard, to be precise, crazy laughters actually. If you need an example, just put me beside her, be rest assured that I'll laugh all day long.

I've semi- packed for Cambodia and I'm praying really really hard that my lauggage won't exceed 20kg. I've forgotten to bring the unwanted clothes to Ms Gan's house cuz I was super late meeting the girls. My bad. :( Another late night last night. :D

I shall end my post for today. I'll leave you with something that I found recently and touched my heart from Ernie. "When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

2008-11-25T02:28:00.000-08:00

Camp was gooooooddddddd!!! 4 days 3 nights spent with the girls were really good and awesome. We got back to our usual hilarious way of laughing at the random & funny stuff that happened during camp and we totally laughed our asses off. Random stuff that happened were really freaking funny & I can't say it out here cuz' you'd have to be there to laugh at them and also because Mand is really lazy to type them out. We are actually still laughing over them at lunch today. GB girls are really weird in a funny way, thats why we're GB girls. :D Cambodia in 4 days time. Time really flies boy. It was like yesterday I was having my chinese Os and wishing that time passes to the day I start work. And today's like 4 days to Cambodia. Life's like so fast but there's nothing I can do to stop it. Don't worry, I'm not depressed or what. It's just so true.

Sher told me something that even I got so touched when I was thinking about it when I woke up today. No problem Jiong! I don't even know if you'll read this but I wanna say something, thank you so much for telling me cuz I really didn't know I almost made you cry. I don't know why but when you told me, I could feel that our friendship is so very special to me. I just wanna say I really really love you so much and you really mean alot to me. Your pressence in my life has a really great impact on me and thank you for being my friend.

God, thank you for showing me.

2008-11-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

This is a great video! It's a MUST- WATCH for those who are feeling low and dry in your walk with God. I pray that this will impact you like how it has impacted me. A whole new level of praising and worshipping Him for who He is.

Worship is not coming before the Lord when we feel like to,
but with a whole new attitude and gratitude.
Presenting to Him what He oughtfully and always deserves,
worship.

2008-11-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Announcements: Leong Yu Ling Mandy has finally got a waist, but sadly, her tummy is still bloating.
(Whatever reaction you may have, whoever you are, I'll let it go. Since I'm a good person.)

Let's see, Cambodia in 15 days time, Annual Camp in 7, INJECTION IN one DAY TIME!!!!

Odinary levels will officially end tomorrow, and FREEDOM REIGNS IN THIS PLACE. For the Sec 4s ya, but for me, it's in one year time for me. Laugh yea laugh. But I still prefer where I am now anyway. That's a very good thing. Actually I'm rather thankful for where God has planted me, not in the 4- year course but 5- year. If not, I wouldn't be as close to those friends that I am now. Or I wouldn't even know people like Janice at all. Maybe just HiBye friends and I don't want that man. If not, there'll be no fun, laughter, peace and joy. :( Yea smile Jan Jan smile. This year has been an eventful and memorable year for me personally. Both spiritually and emotionally. Well, someone's growing up. And I really wanna thank God for letting me go through those adversities that I'd never imagined I'd have the courage to go through, but in the end, I did, by the amazing grace of God. He's really a God of wonders and miracles. Why? Because my life is one such example. Turning the impossible into reality, He's the only one who can do this, I give you my word.

In conclusion, my God isn't a god whom you can know and understand with the understanding and knowledge of people, but He's one whom you have to personally experience His abounding love and grace yourself. You can know Him through conversations and services, but you can't truly know Him until you let Him touch you, like how He has touched my life.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found.
Was blind but now I see.

My chains are gone,
I've been set free.
My God, My Saviour has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy reigns.
Unending love, amazing grace.

2008-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Forgive and forget. (All human beings do wrong.)

#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
For my dad to be a christian.

#3. If you could be at one place right now, where would it be?
Rio De Jeanorio.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Not at all.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
Kenji Fitzgerald! (He's from Fly Entertainment by the way. Haha!)

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both are equally blessed.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Erm you mean in the sense of seconds or minutes???
3 years. (That's my record till present.:))

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Continue to wait in prayer. :D That's seriously the best solution man!

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Not really.

#10. What do you want most in life?
For my dad to be a christian.

#11. Is being tagged fun?
Okay la.

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
Working at a hotel at the management level. :D

#13. Who is the current most important person to you?
Person? Do I have to include God? Ok la God is my first priority.
A person he'd be my Dad.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I duno haha!

#15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich. Then I can continue searching.

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
Hah! Are you for real? A monkey!

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do?
Touch a snake.

#18. What kind of person do you think you are?
Outgoing but unpredictable at times.

#19. What do you define as a bad day?
A bad hairdo, freaky dressing sense, and getting snared at by your boss.

#20. If you have to choose between love and friendship, which one would you have?
That's a tough one, I guess it'd be friendship cuz I haven't been in love. Sher! I'd need your advice on this! :D

I'll leave you with these.

2008-11-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

Soon, I'm becoming a maid.

No la, a hip- and- happening one.

"Can help me to clean the house?"

"Help me to fold clothes please?"

Requests from my mom which I have chosen to carry out since I have nothing to do at all. Might as well right. My house is clean now, very clean actually. And guess what I had for lunch today, Spagetthi with Char Siew Sauce. Sounds nice huh? Tastes yucky. Oh well, maybe it's because the cook was me. I actually thought that it'd taste good you know, but it came out not nice.. :( But at least I've tried. :):) Went to Lavender to collect my renewed passport and how I love it man. It comes with the card in it, indicating all your particulars and stuff. Suaku you may say, but ya, I'm quite suaku actually. :D:D Came home and chatted with Bao and recieved a letter for my parents regarding Cambodia. And wtb! Juli isn't going! I'm sad. Someone come and comfort me. Preferbably Kenji please?

Laughter hides their silent cries, only Jesus knows.

I wanna do this! I wanna do that!

2008-11-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

Mandy, you really got to get down to serious work. Os is finishing in like 3 days time and you still weigh a frigging 48 KG! If you don't start now, forget about sun tanning with Jiong.

Ah yaya! True I got to really slim my tummy to a flat aeroplane runway and it's on the way. Just that on the way it's just bumpy for a little while. Yea I think that I've kindda slimmed, but not that obvious. I may not be able to suntan with you Jiong, but don't worry! I'll still wear a tank top showing off my muscular arms and not-so-fat thighs. Just that I can't wear a bikini just yet. :((

But conscious effort paids it off, I guarentee you, in less than a year, you'll see a slim, hot and okay la, not- so- sexy Mandy walking down the roads of Orchard. 我是走中性性感路线的！In direct translation, I'm walking the not-so- woman but also not-so- man sexy style one. Just minus off the sexy cuz sexy comes with that phrase. So I had no choice but to put "sexy" in. I don't want to be like someone called "Eliazabeth Choo". Don't ask me why but I just had the urge to post What I want to do list. Here it goes hon.

1. Slim down!
2. Have a sleepover.
3. Annual Camp to come quickly cuz I miss the girls tremendously!!!!!! To be exact, those who are of age 16. :D
4. Cambodia Cambodia Cambodia!
5. Jan Jan's birthday.
6. Date with Jiong! :D
7. I want to go out with Jazzlyn Tei Jie Ling!!!!!
8. BBQ on 18 Nov.

God is so good today.

2008-11-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

I'm so sorry for my very late update. But patience is a very good virtue, a very good one indeed. So if you've not felt frustrated that I hadn't update my blog, you're very patient indeed. Anyway, work at Bakerzin was good, I wouldn't say great cuz it was my first day at work and first time working , so it was kindda screwd up. I'll give you an example, a Caucasian lady was asking me how long does it take for a pasta to be ready? And I thought she ordered a pasta, so I wanted to go to the kitchen and check it out. When I was about to move, she gave me this weird stare and asked one more time with a precise question asking "I mean, how long does it take for a pasta to be ready?" And I was thinking "Orh!" but I didn't know how long does it take. Thank God that the big big sized colleague came to my rescue. (BTW, he's a nice guy. :)) It was my fault but it's also my first day at work, so I didn't really blame myself. And I saw this really gorgeous lady and she had the perfect body, attitude and accent man! I so love her and she's so nice to me as a newbie. She's simply...great! She looks like Beatrice Richmond- Chia but she's prettier than Beatrice. I worked for six hours and on my way home, oh man! I was so tired from standing and it was peak hour, so as you'd expect, many people were waiting for the train. You should see those tired- of- this- routine faces man. That changed my mind of working on a regular 9- 6 working hours. But that will come to past only if I've earned enough money, then I'll change line. Hospitality is still what I'm so very interested in. God please show me if this is what you want me to do.

Laughing people pass me by.

2008-11-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

Someone has complained that 本小姐 has not been updating my blog and it's very boring. I'd have to agree Chew! :D Alrighty here's my update for this Nov:

5 Nov: Chinese O and Heart of God church.
6 Nov: Starts work officially at Bakerzin.
21- 25 Nov: GB Annual Camp
29- 13 Dec: Cambodia trip.

Please keep the Cambodia mission trip in prayer cuz the riots in Cambodia are still on- going. Pray that by the time we reach there, things would have settled down and peaceful. Thanks guys.

Things have been smooth- sailing so far, so far so good. Be it my relationship with my Daddy God or school or church or family, I'm really thankful that things are not worse. Thinking back,giving up leaders for gb may not be the wisest choice of all, but I'm still content that I chose that decision. GB may not be what I'm really passionate for anymore but I guess it's the friends that I've made that changed my life thoroughly. And I believe that it wasn't the time for me to rise up as a leader cuz I was really very concerned about the number of people in my cell, when it was like about less than 5 people. Thus I wasn't really very enthusiastic being the assistant cell leader, yea I was very realistic. Furthermore I had to live up to people's expectations being what I am, so I was very depressed and stress at that period of time. Certainly it sounds good being called a leader and stuff but really doing what you're supposed to do can really tire me out. I don't like to live up to people's expectations but honestly speaking, what can i do? This is Leaders. I fell. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't brave enough. I weren't up to God's expectations of me, I failed totally. Totally man. But that didn't stop God from continuing to lavish Him love on me, He continued to see me through my days, He continued to hear my prayers in times of need, He continued to give me a chance to wake up and experience His mercy and touching people's lives around me everyday till now. Most importantly, He led me out of the shadow of a sin that you'll never imagine that I had gone through. (Or maybe you knew.) I just wanna say that God is really God. He's so good to me, really good. He didn't give up on me when I've given up on myself. He's always there for me when I prayed to Him, though it was like talking to vacum and it really seemed stupid, but isn't that what faith is all about, believing in the unseen.

I wanna encourage those who're going through a tough time, be it in your spiritual walk with God or any other situations, or you feel very dry and lost inside, keep praying to God. Pour out all your troubles and confide in God. He'll see you through. Though God is God, and you may ask " Eh, He's God what? I thought He knows everything." Yes He's God, true, He knows everything. But He's also our friend. Try putting yourself in God's shoes, you love someone dearly, wouldn't you want that someone to confide in you when things go wrong even if you know that something is wrong? If he or she didn't tell you, would you feel very devestated and sad? It's the same for God too. He wants you to tell Him even though He knows. "He confides in those who're close to Him", as my bible says. "As you draw close to me, I'll draw close to you", "Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you."- 1 Peter 5: 7.

Remember,God is not only God, He's also your friend, a friend that will never leave you in the lurch in times of trouble.

2008-10-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

Maths's on tomorrow and freak! What the bleah am I still doing here?? But oh well, might as well for a little while more. The afterward of Math is of course Chee Na and weeee! Off to Bakerzin. Sometimes I just want time to fly past and slow down at the day which I really loveee to bittts, like on the 6 of November because I'm starting work officially then. But God says to take one day at a time hon. Cambodia is in a month's time. And I'm not a little excited for it, maybe its because of Maths and Chee Na. You know, concentration elsewhere, which is on Maths and Chee Na. For no rhyme or reason, I just wanna find someone to argue with. My mouth's feeling itchy haha! Cya soon guys!

2008-10-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

大姨妈来探班！Yes all those 行动不方便 and stuff are back. I was very moody the whole day, mind you! I didn't smile much today, just pulling a long, grumpy face. Heloo!!!! It's deepavali today leh! If I were a Indian, I won't go for house visitations man, if not, I'll be shitting at people's house. That isn't very good ya' know! But still, I thank God for mensuration cycles. That signifies feminity and fertility. Sometimes I really thank God that I'm a woman. In this way, I do not need to work on my abs and biceps(though I really wish my future BF/ Husband will have. I know what you're thinking. HELLOOO! It's a hotttt body in exchange hon!) I do not need to care a hoot about chasing girls, I need not have wet dreams. Come to think of it, being a woman is a blessed gift from heaven. You know it's so common for men to get to the top of their carrer and due to discrmination, women are often ostracised. Thus, I'm gonna be a mighty carrer woman and one who is capable at juggling between work and family. And that is, if God's plan allows that to happen. And and and, it's also very common for men to be on fire for God, I'm not saying that it's not good, but exactly how many women mentioned in the bible were living their lives for God other than Queen Esther? (I believe that there are many more just that my bible knowledge isn't that deep. My bad.) That's why I'm determined to make my christian life one that will showcase God's glory, power, grace and love. Be it my testimony or lifestyle, let God be glorified in everyday of my life.

2008-10-26T06:10:00.001-07:00

It's the late night catching up with me once more. Fear factor was on and of course I stayed up to watched and I was totally amazed at the 75 year old guy who could withstand all those toturous stunts and stuff. He's really good I'd have to say. What do you expect? He's been through the Korean war my dear. Slept at 4, woke up at a really "ostentatious" timing at 2.45 in the afternoon. Dad wanted to have lunch at Aston's and of course I agreed. The food was really delicious. I had new york steak and Dad had black pepper. Their coleslaw is the best coleslaw I've ever tasted, so fresh and yummy yummy. Try it, you really have to. Save your trip to Katong, you can try it at the branch near my school. I guess they're equally tasty. I shall try the Katong one someday, see how it goes, it'd be good if it's on my birthday. *Hint hint* :) That'd be all for today. :> head on to the next blog! :):)

2008-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Love, every one would want very much to love or be loved. Of course I, me and myself included. In the past, I know nuts about loving one self. I was suicidal, I was always hot- tempered and I was just having those bad habits.(for those who know. :)) But there were people who loved me through those moments and stuck with me to the end. When I looked back, I thought "How foolish was I??" I've hurt my parents, myself and most importantly, God He Himself. God has really transformed me from a good- for- nothing into a child of God, a mighty warrior, a person who puts others' interests before self for Him. You see? God uses nothing and changes it into something that He can use to show His love and power to the fallen world.

In my dictionary, love is not only just a feeling, it's a commitment, it's responsibility, it's the urge to be there for someone who ignores what the world says about them and continues to run after God fervently without caring for his dignity, it's thinking of the person now and then, thanking the Lord twice for his pressence in your life. I believe that love is 1 Corinthians 13. I will be patient, I will be kind. I will not envy, I will not boast, I will not be proud. I will not be rude, I will not be selfish, I will not be easily angered, I will keep no record of wrongs. I will not delight in evil but will rejoice with the truth. I will always protect, trust, hope and perservere in you.

When we begin to change 1 Corinthians 13 into "I", we'll begin to see a different picture of love. Love that does not rely on worldly and flesh desires but just for the interests of the other party, be it a good friend or the special one. I believe that being in a relationship with someone special ought to draw both I and him closer to God, not drifting away from Him. In my years of covenant, I've come to realize what do I really think of the word L- O- V- E. I don't want to be in a relationship just because I want to, I don't want to be in a relationship in which only because the guy is handsome, I don't want to be in a relationship with a non- christian (no offence), I don't want to be in a relationship when he thinks that he likes me. On the other hand, I would want to be in a relationship which will draw me and my special one closer to the One who made us to be together, I want to be in a relationship in regardless of the man's features but his heart for God, I want to be in a relationship with a christian, I want to be in a relationship when we know that we're so in love with each other and know that we're meant for each other. That's why I pray really hard for my first to be my last.

Oh well, that's my point of view in love. Thank you for reading of you're still reading.

2008-10-19T04:01:00.000-07:00

My mind has been ticking alot these days. The past Mand has seemed to return and that's good, at least I can sit down and ponder in deep thoughts.

Many people spend half of their life searching exactly who they are. Usually not starting from inside, but from their eyes. They start to keep a lookout for those really cool and sophisticated people whom they can imitate and soon, you'll see a Brad Pitt inspired. (If you get what I mean.)
What they do not actually know is that God has created us, every individual one of us as unique as He can. Thus, this tells us that we need not spend half of our lives searching who we are and what we are by the people around us. The real you is already inside of you yourself. He's just being hidden inside by ourselves all the time.

The real essence of life is not figuring out what life is all about, it's actually finding out who you are in Christ, because in Him, we can find our very own self, our very own character, our very own personality and our very own passions and dreams in Him.

2008-10-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

Ern's post really touched my heart. It brought me back to the knowledge of my Heavenly Papa's love for me. To be honest, I haven't been doing well spiritually. I'm more concerned about myself rather than being concerened for His feelings, His love for me. In fact, I just chunked Him aside for the past few days. QT not done, prayers not said. It just sucks big time to just not be in the pressence of God. Until Ern's mesaage came in, then I came to realized, what I've texted her back were the very words that I ought to remind myself about God's unending love and His want for my company. He has been trying very hard to pull me back, just that I was so very ashamed about my own wrongdoings, I wasn't worthy of His love for me, but yet, He still chose to pull me back from the world of darkness into being light of His vast love. My God is really an Awesome God.

2008-10-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

The day seemed dry to start out with,
but it wouldn't be routine I guess.
This isn't life man.
Its Boring Boring BORING!!!
And I think it's time to get back to y= mx+c.

Just you wait and see!

2008-10-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

Results are out!

English: 62
Maths: B4
Chinese: 73.5
Comb. Humans: 41
Comb. Science: 37
POA: 32
D&T: 55

In total I failed 3 subjects and miraculously passed 4 subjects! by God's amazing grace. Things could have been worse ya' know. Of course I wasn't very satisfied with my results at first, but come to think of it, what's the point crying over spilt milk? But I did put in my best in studying uber last min, and I meant really last minute. I couldn't ask for more man. Really thank God for His amazing grace and mercy. Criteria to prompote to Sec 5 TT is L1R4= 19 points. But I have gotten 20 points. Just have to pray and wait for the results. What else can I do right? Alright, I'd have to focus on my maths and chee na now. I don't know why, but I just feel a sense of comfort and peace in me.

Thank You. :D

2008-10-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

A big chnage is seen on- going in me.

A good one, to be honest.

2008-10-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

Mandy...

a. saw Jia Cheng today.
b. has gotten the life- saving formula list from Sarah.
c. cycled around aimlessly while waiting for Sarah.
d. wasted time today.
d. BUT! did QT. :D
e. missed her friends today.
f. gave a serious thought about her future life and carrer, and
g. is determined to include God in her life no matter what.
h. is going to study now.

I. Good- Bye

2008-10-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

Facebook seems to have changed their webpage,
mentality of mine seems to be changing constantly as well.
Well I hope it will be for the better.
I guessed I have matured ever since I have faced reality.
At least I feel more at ease with myself and who I am.
Just wanna say

"Daddy God, thank you for accepting me for who I am, thank you for my family, thank you for the true friends You've blessed me with. Thank you for letting me pass this stage of life where I will see what hurts You, feel what makes Your heart bleed, and know that You'll bind this distorted, broken heart of mine. Thank You for everything."

2008-09-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought that it was over,
it just had to revert back to me once again.
Just a sight of you makes my heart wander,
Or should I say, an indescribable feeling just overcomes me.

I'm tired, so very.
Can these all end at this very moment?
I do not know when will I go berserk,
breakdown is so very near me.

Can I pretend that nothing has happened at all?
I wish so, but just as I've said,
moments spent with you were happy,
I love those times.

If we could turn back time,
if I knew this would happen,
I should not even befriend you.
Pure thoughts at first, but it soon corrupted.

Wrong feelings for the wrong person.

Good night.

2008-09-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

All things round me seem to be messed up.
All I want is to just find a quiet corner,
think about my life,
and how am I gonna get things settled,
return to the way that it should be.

But I know,
things can be the same no more.
Things done can't be undone.
I can't make my love be known,
because things would just get worse.

No, I should not run away,
I shouldn't even try it.
Facing up with it is the best way of all,
but could someone just care to tell me how?

I want to have a good cry,
just a moment of good cry.
At least allow me to vent it all out.
But tears seem to have all dried up since that very day,
no more, it's really over.

I just wanna let you know,
my love for you is real.
But I know that I can't give you happiness,
thus,
I'm gonna let go from now on.

Goodbye my friend.

KENJI IS SO FREAKING HOOOOTTTTT!!!!!

2008-09-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

Name: Kenji Fitzgerald

Eyes: Hazel

Height: 175 cm

HE'S SO FREAKING HOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you think so too?? Kenji is so irresistable.

What I love about him: He's obviously super gorgeous.
He's got blessed features.
He's got a hot body!
He looks gReAt regardless of what he is wearing.
He has such a cute smile. *Melts*
He sings, he strums and he drums. (All rounder ladies and gentlemen.:)
Last but not least, Kenji is not that tall!

How I wish he's mine. But that will come true only after 18 Mand! In the meantime, just keep your eyes on his pictures. (Actually they are wayyyy more than enough to just make me smilez wortz) And by the way, what the bleah am I doing here?? GET BACK TO YOUR BOOKSSS!
*I will, I will. Just a llittle little while more for Kenji :(*

A piece of advice to you people out there: Ladies, look for this man.
Guys, be like him!
- Just for laughs-
*LAUGHTER*

Inspiration for me to move on, KENJI! (Talk to my hand Marcus Soh.)

2008-08-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

Talking to strangers online can be really exciting but a chore at times. You know the times when they say "Hi" and then come along some alien language which you don't even understand. And there I went closing the coonversation. I know no alien language k? Get this right! :D

Things are slightly getting better. Though the feelings are still on- off, but at least they're still off sometimes. Really thank God for that. At least I'm not in this alone though I am physically but I know that he's always there to support me when I cry out to him. I really hope that things are working the way that they should be in God's plan.

JAM- ed with Jazz today and we were like running about like fast people with long legs, though we don't have but we did run around fast fast! :D Bought her teachers' day present and went for tution. Tution lasted for about an hour and I went home. Didn't do much other than slacking around.

I've decided that I should refrain myself from blogging until eoys are over. Thus, till we see again. Shalom. :D

2008-08-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

Lord Your Name is higher than the heavens,.
Lord Your Name is higher than all created things,
higher than hopes,
higher than dreams.
The Name of the Lord.

Indeed the Lord's Name is higher than all else. I felt so lost and disappointed with the situations around me. Be it family or my own personal problems, I just do not know how to handle them.

Until finally, altar call. I decided to just pour all my disappointments, my sorrows, my feelings and all unto him. Because I know that this has been hindering me from my growth in him. I should not have compromised, I should not have cut corners. If I really do love him, I'l be willing to do anything for him. But I didn't. I'm sorry, I'm seriously am. I foresee a life, a fullness of life if I would just get over this. I'm fine, not to worry. Just that I've to rely on him for strength and wisdom. Thank you for reading if you're still reading. :D

Lord, help me to get over this. Let this be put to the test, let my love for You be put to the test. And I believe that I'll overcome this feeling and move on to a very much better life in You.

2008-08-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday right? TOMORROW IS THE DAY OF THE WEEK!

because... badminton with the 3 musketeers and roller blading after cell, (that's for maybe if Chew's going.) is on!!! Triple hurrays! What a day I'm gonna have tomorrow. Excited excited! Come to think of it, oh yes! Shu Hui's gonna be there. It has been ages since we met up and really chit chat man. Fyi, she's my primary school friend and Sarah's BFF. Thats all the profile that I know about her. For more information, pleasu turn to Sarah Tay HAHA!

Talking about Maths, it has been a total surrender since I'm so not clique to the questions and its no doubt that I will ____. But I've already, and am actually doing what I'm suppose to do so I really pray that I will pass Maths Os. Please Lord, please help me.

It's 3 more days. I'm really excited for it! :D